Is IFS therapy right for you?

​​Complex trauma is a result of repeated, traumatic, interpersonal injuries over an extended period during childhood or adolescence. These traumatic injuries can range from subtle to explicit.  Some examples include emotional and physical neglect, criticism or bullying, responsibility burdens, emotional manipulation, experiencing traumatic loss, witnessing parental conflict, violence, death, addiction, or mental illness, experiencing physical abuse, sexual abuse, or spiritual abuse.​​

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We live in a society that often expects adults to get over what happened in the past and move on. Yet, anyone who has experienced complex trauma knows first hand this is easy to say, and very hard to do in reality. We cannot think our way out of trauma responses. 

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It is now widely accepted that trauma lives in the body. Therefore, it is through experiential (ie. in the body, in the present moment) interventions that we can effectively re-pattern the neuronal network activations in our brain that are related to our past trauma experiences. Experiential interventions can change what was once a charged emotional state to a more calm, cognitive response to past traumas.

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IFS is a model designed for this purpose. Using IFS, I guide clients in safe, gentle, phase-oriented, non-traumatizing, deeply compassionate, real-time healing experiences.

In our trek towards healing we can reach a frustrating plateau where, despite a lot of cognitive work, we still have not experienced adequate change or relief. We have already learned why and how things are the way they are, we already know what needs to change, and we feel we have already talked and analyzed our situation to death. But, despite these necessary components,  our unwanted behaviours, feelings, and patterns persist. ​​​​​​

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Here are some examples of ways we can be stuck in behaviour that we know does not serve us anymore, but that we cannot seem to break free of: chronic negativity or pessimism, experiences of constant persecution or attack, resentment, irritation, anger, mistrust, lashing out at loved ones, chronic self-doubt, negative self-talk, overworking, chronic stress, inability to relax, burnout, taking on too much, people-pleasing, procrastination, disorganization, substance misuse, risky behaviours, avoiding connection, avoiding conflict, lack of joy.

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If you are currently stuck here or somewhere similar,  ​​​it might be time to try an experiential therapy like IFS. ​​

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Using the IFS experiential approach we work in the present moment, in a somatic way with the parts of you that engage in these behaviours. This real-time, supportive, healing stance is the key to reaching and healing the deeper issues behind the behaviour. 

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The IFS modality is so effective the because it rests on the assumption that healing work actually needs to come from our spiritual aspect. Everyone has a spiritual aspect (in the same way everyone has a cognitive aspect, an emotional aspect, and a physical aspect). The spiritual aspect I am referring to is not about religion, or spiritual beliefs of any kind. Rather, it is the ability we all have to turn inward and observe our own thoughts and behaviours. This witnessing stance is our spiritual aspect. In IFS when we take this observing stance, we say that we are in "Self".  Our inquiry and healing work is done from this stance. When we are in Self, we feel more neutral, more open, more calm. We can observe more and understand more about the truth of our own patterns and personality structure versus when we take a straight analytical or cognitive stance. In addition, our whole system starts to respond to our own Self. energy. The receptive and supportive stance of Self creates the internal safety that our troubled parts need to feel safe enough to change and heal.  Ultimately, we learn through this whole process that we can be in Self most of the time: we can be "Self-led" (an IFS term). It becomes clear how to start living our life and making our decisions from a more wise, calm, and aware stance. 

Shame is a particularly painful type of wound that can really convince us of it's truth. Many of us during childhood internalized a belief that we are inherently not-okay at a fundamental level. The umbrella term "shame" includes, for example, chronic feelings of being inherently unworthy, inherently wrong, inherently unlovable, repulsive, gross, ridiculous, dumb, feelings that we are a problem  that needs to go away, and  feelings that it would be better off for everyone if we were not around.​​

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​One of the reasons this type of wound is so viscerally painful, is that it succeeds in distorting the truth of who we really are. We have lost touch of the felt-sense of the fundamental truth of our inherent worthiness. Despite being able to feel unconditional love, and non-judgement towards other people, the feeling of the shame wound is so strong we cannot help believe that we are somehow the exception to the rule.

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IFS therapy is a good approach to locate shame wounds, and work internally to heal these. You can begin to experience true self-compassion for the first time, and begin to feel the inherent and inarguable truth of your own worthiness.

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